Romance me, Lover of my soul

This semester of college has been hectic. There always seems to be so much to do with so little time. Can I get an amen?

The photo to the right is an accurate description of my day yesterday. Just like the blurred cars in the photo, I was so busy and restless. My heart had been aching. I felt overwhelmed and lonely. The enemy had been telling me lies after lies. So you know what I did, I brought it to the foot of the Lord. I asked him to silence the lies, to give me peace, to fill my heart with his love and joy. And just like William McDowell sings (yes, I love gospel music, y'all): "In the presence of the Lord, I have been healed, freed, delivered...I've found joy, peace, grace and favor." I just needed him to hold me in his arms. I needed someone to intimately love on me. It wasn't just in that moment though. I always do. I always need him. I am in desperate need of him all the time. His word comforts. His presence heals. When chaos surrounds me, his peace is abounding. When everything is going wrong or changing in a way that I don't see fit, he is still constant. He has a plan that is greater than i. He remains Sovereign.

I have been reading Captivating. Every woman needs to read this book (well, it would be beneficial for a man if he were to read it too. I'm going to read Wild At Heart afterwards but that's besides the point). It led me to ask Jesus to draw out of my heart a deeper longing for him, to become more intimate in my relationship with him and for him to romance me. Sometimes I think that in order to be romanced, ladies think we need a man to take us out and have a candle-lit dinner at sunset by the river. We get distracted by our desire for a relationship or for someone to sweep us off our feet. Well, maybe some of us wouldn't admit that. But I know that when I think about it, the desire and thought has been an idol in my life before. Oh, how that is so not true. Sometimes we tend to forget about our first Love when it comes to romance. Our Bridegroom wants to romance us in a way that no one else can. The One who created us wants to love on us in a way that is real and personal. He knows every detail of who we are, of the deepest places in our hearts, our desires, our needs. He wants to romance us. As I came out of the library that evening, God wooed me. His beauty was all around. I just stood in awe, and breathed it all in. I admired his beautiful creation. I admired the way he painted the sky that evening. I admired him for loving me with an everlasting love (jer 31:3). I praised him for who he is. He is so romantic.

“Nature is not primarily functional. It is primarily beautiful. Stop for a moment and let that sink in. We’re so used to evaluating everything (and everyone) by their usefulness that this thought will take a minute or two to begin to dawn on us. Nature is not primarily functional. It is primarily beautiful. Which is to say, beauty is in and of itself a great and glorious good, something we need in large and daily doses (for our God has seen fit to arrange for this). Nature at the height of its glory shouts, Beauty is Essential! revealing that Beauty is the essence of God. The whole world is full of his glory.”
― Stasi Eldredge, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul

I am so excited to grow more in the Lord and for him to reveal himself to me in new ways, to experience more of this beautiful adventure with him, to learn more who I am in Him and to love on him more and more. I'm thankful for the sweet love of Jesus. I'm undeserving.

"Behold You have come over the hills, upon the mountain

To me, You will run

My Beloved, You've captured my heart

Won't You dance with me

Oh, Lover of my soul

To the song of all songs?" (Dance With Me, Jesus Culture)

Psalm 19.
Much Love.

The Lord has continually been speaking to me about loving him with all of my heart, mind, and soul. For me to be obedient out of a genuine, passionate desire that comes from within, and loving my neighbor as myself. I've asked him to search my heart and show me how I can love him more. I've asked "Where are areas that I am withholding my love for you? and for others?" It's been funny how I wrote a blog about what has been on my heart, then several people have came up and discussed the same things with me, and then I was reading chapter seven of Captivating and on page 126 it began to discuss the exact things that have been on my heart, and what I had just read about Mary of Bethany in Matthew the day before. So, I just wanted to share so tidbits from my heart about what I read.

Now let's think back to the story of the woman that came into the home of Simon the Leper. She entered and came to Jesus with a very expensive jar of perfume. She poured it on his head as he was reclining at the table. The disciples were indignant. They thought it was a waste, that she could have sold it and given the money to the poor. They failed to realize the importance of what she had done. Jesus said "Why are you bothering this woman? She has done a beautiful thing to me. The poor will always have with you, but you will not always have me. When she poured this perfume on my body, she did it to prepare me for burial." He said that the story of her would be told whenever the gospel is proclaimed around the world. It was an extravagant act of sacrificial worship, and Jesus was moved by it. Jesus is moved when we praise him, when we live a life of sacrificial worship. He is so glorious, so good to all who love him. Oh how I just want to love him more and more. I yearn to become more intimate with my bridegroom. I pray that my life is a life of sacrificial worship, pleasing to my love.


I continued reading that same day, focusing on Jesus, and I read about Judas. Jesus knew that Judas was going to betray him, for it had to happen for Scripture to be fulfilled. For such a cheap price, Judas turned him in, when Jesus' life costs more than anyone could ever give. A deathly kiss for thirty pieces of silver. Yet when Judas kissed Jesus, it says in Matthew that Jesus replied, "Do what you came for, friend." My jaw dropped. I had read this before. But somehow I overlooked that one word. Jesus still called him friend. He knew Judas was going to betray him. He knew it had to be done. But he loved him so much that he still called him friend. How many times do we turn our back on Jesus? How often do we betray him? Yet he loves us so much, and is so forgiving, that he still calls us friends. I'm so thankful for Jesus laying his life down for those he desires to call friends. I am so thankful for His blood that was shed, so that those who believe in him will be set free of their filth, their sin. I am so thankful that I have been made new in Him, washed of my old self, no longer chained to the sin that held me in bondage, but set free to experience an abundant life in Christ. There is no greater love.


As I read a little further, I read about Peter disowning Jesus. Jesus told him that he would disown him three times before the rooster crows, but Peter didn't believe him. As people came up to him, Peter ended up disowning Jesus three times. As I was reading this, verse 73 stuck out to me particularly because someone came up to Peter and said "Surely you are one of them; your accent gives you away." Now, this refers to him being a Galilean, but it made me think a little deeper than that. It made me think of what I say...how I talk...what my conversations are like with God, with others...If am spending time with Jesus and allowing the Spirit to make me more like him, I should speak more like him and sound like him to others. When they talk to me, they should recognize that I am His child by the words of grace and salt that are uttered from my lips. I pray that this is true. Something else that I honestly was convicted of was that I, too, have been like Peter. I have disowned Jesus many times. There were moments when I was afraid to share who Jesus is or what He has done, when I was uncomfortable, when I cared too much about what others thought, when I was afraid of offending someone or receiving persecution. I have been Peter. This brought me to my knees, and I, too, have wept like Peter. I'm so thankful that he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

May fellow believers and myself boldly proclaim the gospel (Romans 1:16), allowing the Spirit to give us the right words at the right time, to provide us with courage to share, to love, to give, to serve and to heal. To provide us with strength to endure whatever may come our way. In everything, may we be solely dependent upon the Lord. May we not grow weary in doing good because we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Let us cling to Christ and His promises that remain true, always.

Hebrews 13:15-16 "Therefore Jesus, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise -- the fruit of the lips that openly profess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased."

I pray that you have been encouraged. If you are reading this and do not know Jesus, I pray that you seek out who He is, that you ask questions and that you come to Him.

Much Love.

In order to lead, one must first follow. To be an example, one must first look to an example. To live a life of love, one must first receive and experience love in its truest form.

Thank you, sweet Jesus, for being my leader, my example, my love. Words cannot express the gratitude in my heart.

In The Midst

People see a rainbow and praise it’s beauty, for it appears after the storm, while some forget to appreciate the beauty in the midst of the storm…the boldness of the roaring thunder, the quick and daring bolts of lightening, the darkness that dwells amongst the atmosphere. During the storm, struggles seem unbearable. The wind isn’t fightable. The sea is raging, while the waves take you under. There are moments of being unstable; you’re unable to read the map, unable to gain control of the ship, to steer in a certain direction, to see through the telescope to bright and foreign land. But you see, within the storm, the hardships cause you to develop a strength in which you had not known before. This experience is a story to be told, a victory that has been won. Within the storm, that is where the true beauty is…during the mess, the hurt, being beaten and bruised, falling down and sometimes staying there for a while. With time, you keep preserving and fighting through the storm. As the storm subsides, radiant rays make their way through the clouds. The ship has sailed to shore and a rainbow has appeared after the storm has vanished. Now it is easy to find beauty. The light of the earth shines brighter than before. But it is not the victory that is beautiful; it is the journey that has brought you to the victory. And that, my dear, is a battle well won.

Thank You Holy Spirit for Your Presence.
Thank You Jesus for constantly providing.
Thank You for hardship, struggles, tests, and trials. 
Thank You for coming near to me as I draw near to You. 
Thank You for continually sanctifying me to become more like You.


Less of me...More of You.

"I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same question." - Harun Yahya

"I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same question." - Harun Yahya

"We don't come to this book with options to consider. We come to this book with commands to obey." -David Platt speaking about the Word of God

Family, the Glory of God shines much brighter in the midst of hardship, and much more do we seek His face during such times. How beautiful it is when prayers are answered. Hard times cause us to truly cherish the joyous times. We can help others with what we have been through and tell them about the light that is to come! Now tell me trials and hardship aren't for your good and His glory!

"When will our consciences grow so tender that we will act to prevent human misery rather than avenge it?" -Eleanor Roosevelt

Proverbs 31:8-9

"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy."

I am called to love and defend those who have no voice, those who are poor and in need, to care for the "least of these."

"In Christ Alone"

Being content, as said by Webster dictionary, is to be "feeling or showing satisfaction with one's possessions, status, or situation." Before you read any further, take a second to think to yourself: "what does this mean to me? Is contentment something I struggle with? Am I content?"



The world that we live in is always telling us that we "need" MORE. We need more time. We need more money to spend on ourselves, to purchase "things" that we give much meaning to. The most fashionable clothes, finer cars, bigger homes to hold all of the "stuff" that we are continually acquiring. We need more food. We need more of...you name it. As more is being produced, we are continually consuming. America tells us to be content we need to have what everyone else has. That to be "better" than our neighbor we need compete to have better, newer, nicer, MORE. Are we ever truly content?

The reality is that our culture has become selfish, materialistic, demanding, pampered. Compared to many, we have so much, yet we still think that what we have is not enough. Often our "riches" are hoarded up, when there are many who are in need.

It is easy to get upset when things don't go our way. When trials and hardship arise, blaming others and God is easy. Getting down on ourselves is easy. Allowing "happiness" to be stolen (true Joy cannot be stolen), thinking negatively, complaining, and dwindling in sorrow is easy. Giving up is easy. Staying in our comfort zones is easy. Not sharing the Gospel is easy. Soaking in a life of sin is easy. Being selfish is easy.

Accepting trials and hardship as discipline is hard. Realizing that growth will come out of hardship is difficult. The thought that going through something yourself will be of help to another person can be the last thing one wants to think about in the midst of a storm. Understanding that God has a plan greater than what we can comprehend is hard. Persevering is hard. Relying on Christ alone is hard. Walking by faith is hard. Having the boldness to share Jesus with people can be hard. Fighting our sinful nature and casting out idols is hard. Fighting the desire for MORE is hard. Giving generously and sacrificially to those who are actually in NEED (what does the word need actually mean?) is hard. Being selfless is hard. Loving like Christ is hard. But all of this is possible. In fact, it is what Christians are called to do.

There is a problem. We let our circumstances steal our contentment, when our contentment should be the SOURCE of how we deal with our circumstances. We allow what we can acquire to bring us only temporary "contentment" and then wonder why it doesn't last.

The apostle Paul's contentment is legendary. In Philippians he says that he learned to be content in EVERY situation (in need, hungry, imprisoned, persecuted, etc.) through CHRIST who gives him strength. This reflects Paul's unquestionable trust that God would provide whatever he needed in any circumstance, and it was always ENOUGH.

Godly contentment cannot be altered by the ways of the world.

I have struggled with this recently. I have wanted more, wanted to take the easy route, wanted to fit in with the world. The fight against worldliness, against sin, against Satan...it's an ongoing battle. The thing is, none of what I've been struggling with matters. It is so minuscule compared to the Truth and people that actually do matter. The things of the world will pass away. First Timothy 6:6-8 says "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that."

May we find contentment in Christ. May we realize how little we actually NEED, and be satisfied with that. May we realize others needs and fulfill those. May we be content in circumstances that are harsh. May we live as foreigners here living in reverent fear, rejoicing regardless of our sorrows, because this world is not our home. May we ask the Holy Spirit to sanctify our hearts, changing us to be more like Christ, obtaining His mindset and living as He did. Let us be like Paul, who trust God so much that what was provided unto him was always ENOUGH.

This is my prayer for myself and for the world.

Thomas Watson, a Puritan theologian and minister once said "Contentment is a divine thing; it becomes ours, not by acquisition, but infusion; it is a slip taken off from the tree of life, and planted by the Spirit of God in the soul; it is a fruit that grows not in the garden of philosophy, but is of heavenly birth. It is very observable then that contentment is joined with godliness! 2. Contentment is an intrinsical thing; it lies within a man; not in the bark, but the root. Contentment hath both its fountain and stream in the soul. The beam has not its light from the air; the beams of comfort which a contented man has do not arise from foreign comforts, but from within! 3. Contentment doth not appear only now and then, as some stars which are seen but seldom; it is a settled temper of the heart! It is not casual but constant."

God will provide - Yahweh Yireh!

Things to blog about soon:

-Fasting, casting out idols, and throwing off all that hinders

-"If I knew then what I know now"

-How our actions should correspond with His Will to bring Him Glory

-The first Church and who we, the body of  believers, are as the Church

-Relationships; what God wants for us

-Spiritual gifts and encouragement

~ Note to self ~

Over the past year or so I've made a few notes to myself on this blog and decided to combine them all into one post. Each holds different meaning- whether it be something simple such as a sweet reminder, advice that I gave or received, or something that I learned...each are significant to me. Maybe they will be to you as well.

Hopefully I will continue writing more notes to myself as the years go by. Maybe I'll make a book to pass down through the generations to come ;)

NOTE TO SELF #1: As much as you want the best for someone, you can never change anyone. They have to want it themselves because change comes from WITHIN.

NOTE TO SELF #2: Remember to "Blossom where you are planted.", no matter where that ends up being.

NOTE TO SELF #3: If someone lets you go easily, they aren't worth holding on to.

NOTE TO SELF #4: Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Stay strong and always remember that life goes on.

NOTE TO SELF #5: You're beautiful - embrace who you are. Write it on your mirror so that each morning when you wake up, you'll be reminded that you are made in His image and God thinks you are far more than beautiful. Isn't that all that matters, anyway?

NOTE TO SELF #6: You will never be satisfied if you try to live up to the world's standards! Find true JOY in the Lord and He will provide all that you need!

Note to self #7: People who pray together, stay together.

Note to self #8: Accept things for what they are, in every form. We are not to be blinded by our false perceptions but to deal with reality as it is.

Note to self #9: We search for happiness everywhere, forgetting that pure Joy is within us already.

Note to self #10: Always forgive, just as Christ forgives you.

Note to self #11: A kind gesture can go a long way.

Note to self #12: Search for the deeper meaning.

Note to self #13: Don't hold on to your past- let go when the time is right. God breaks chains and heals. In Him you are a new creation and are made new each day.

Note to self #14: Love endlessly. Give selflessly. Serve tirelessly. Care deeply.

Note to self #15: Remember where you came from.

Note to self #16: Grow from the past, delight in the present, embrace the possibilities of the future.

Note to self #17: Sometimes we're the lucky one who gets to plant the seed, but we can't make people grow.

Note to self #18: Sometimes saying nothing but doing something is the most powerful form of action. Let your actions speak louder than words.

Note to self #19: Tomorrow's freedom is today's surrender... -All Sons & Daughters

Note to self #20: Jesus doesn't want to be resident in your life, He wants to be president.

Note to self #21: Cast out all idols in your life. What is holding you back from seeking the Kingdom and Father first?!

Note to self #22: Everything builds upon itself. Do your best at everything you do. -Daddio

Note to self #23: Don't settle for less than you deserve.