Romance me, Lover of my soul

This semester of college has been hectic. There always seems to be so much to do with so little time. Can I get an amen?

The photo to the right is an accurate description of my day yesterday. Just like the blurred cars in the photo, I was so busy and restless. My heart had been aching. I felt overwhelmed and lonely. The enemy had been telling me lies after lies. So you know what I did, I brought it to the foot of the Lord. I asked him to silence the lies, to give me peace, to fill my heart with his love and joy. And just like William McDowell sings (yes, I love gospel music, y'all): "In the presence of the Lord, I have been healed, freed, delivered...I've found joy, peace, grace and favor." I just needed him to hold me in his arms. I needed someone to intimately love on me. It wasn't just in that moment though. I always do. I always need him. I am in desperate need of him all the time. His word comforts. His presence heals. When chaos surrounds me, his peace is abounding. When everything is going wrong or changing in a way that I don't see fit, he is still constant. He has a plan that is greater than i. He remains Sovereign.

I have been reading Captivating. Every woman needs to read this book (well, it would be beneficial for a man if he were to read it too. I'm going to read Wild At Heart afterwards but that's besides the point). It led me to ask Jesus to draw out of my heart a deeper longing for him, to become more intimate in my relationship with him and for him to romance me. Sometimes I think that in order to be romanced, ladies think we need a man to take us out and have a candle-lit dinner at sunset by the river. We get distracted by our desire for a relationship or for someone to sweep us off our feet. Well, maybe some of us wouldn't admit that. But I know that when I think about it, the desire and thought has been an idol in my life before. Oh, how that is so not true. Sometimes we tend to forget about our first Love when it comes to romance. Our Bridegroom wants to romance us in a way that no one else can. The One who created us wants to love on us in a way that is real and personal. He knows every detail of who we are, of the deepest places in our hearts, our desires, our needs. He wants to romance us. As I came out of the library that evening, God wooed me. His beauty was all around. I just stood in awe, and breathed it all in. I admired his beautiful creation. I admired the way he painted the sky that evening. I admired him for loving me with an everlasting love (jer 31:3). I praised him for who he is. He is so romantic.

“Nature is not primarily functional. It is primarily beautiful. Stop for a moment and let that sink in. We’re so used to evaluating everything (and everyone) by their usefulness that this thought will take a minute or two to begin to dawn on us. Nature is not primarily functional. It is primarily beautiful. Which is to say, beauty is in and of itself a great and glorious good, something we need in large and daily doses (for our God has seen fit to arrange for this). Nature at the height of its glory shouts, Beauty is Essential! revealing that Beauty is the essence of God. The whole world is full of his glory.”
― Stasi Eldredge, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul

I am so excited to grow more in the Lord and for him to reveal himself to me in new ways, to experience more of this beautiful adventure with him, to learn more who I am in Him and to love on him more and more. I'm thankful for the sweet love of Jesus. I'm undeserving.

"Behold You have come over the hills, upon the mountain

To me, You will run

My Beloved, You've captured my heart

Won't You dance with me

Oh, Lover of my soul

To the song of all songs?" (Dance With Me, Jesus Culture)

Psalm 19.
Much Love.

The Lord has continually been speaking to me about loving him with all of my heart, mind, and soul. For me to be obedient out of a genuine, passionate desire that comes from within, and loving my neighbor as myself. I've asked him to search my heart and show me how I can love him more. I've asked "Where are areas that I am withholding my love for you? and for others?" It's been funny how I wrote a blog about what has been on my heart, then several people have came up and discussed the same things with me, and then I was reading chapter seven of Captivating and on page 126 it began to discuss the exact things that have been on my heart, and what I had just read about Mary of Bethany in Matthew the day before. So, I just wanted to share so tidbits from my heart about what I read.

Now let's think back to the story of the woman that came into the home of Simon the Leper. She entered and came to Jesus with a very expensive jar of perfume. She poured it on his head as he was reclining at the table. The disciples were indignant. They thought it was a waste, that she could have sold it and given the money to the poor. They failed to realize the importance of what she had done. Jesus said "Why are you bothering this woman? She has done a beautiful thing to me. The poor will always have with you, but you will not always have me. When she poured this perfume on my body, she did it to prepare me for burial." He said that the story of her would be told whenever the gospel is proclaimed around the world. It was an extravagant act of sacrificial worship, and Jesus was moved by it. Jesus is moved when we praise him, when we live a life of sacrificial worship. He is so glorious, so good to all who love him. Oh how I just want to love him more and more. I yearn to become more intimate with my bridegroom. I pray that my life is a life of sacrificial worship, pleasing to my love.


I continued reading that same day, focusing on Jesus, and I read about Judas. Jesus knew that Judas was going to betray him, for it had to happen for Scripture to be fulfilled. For such a cheap price, Judas turned him in, when Jesus' life costs more than anyone could ever give. A deathly kiss for thirty pieces of silver. Yet when Judas kissed Jesus, it says in Matthew that Jesus replied, "Do what you came for, friend." My jaw dropped. I had read this before. But somehow I overlooked that one word. Jesus still called him friend. He knew Judas was going to betray him. He knew it had to be done. But he loved him so much that he still called him friend. How many times do we turn our back on Jesus? How often do we betray him? Yet he loves us so much, and is so forgiving, that he still calls us friends. I'm so thankful for Jesus laying his life down for those he desires to call friends. I am so thankful for His blood that was shed, so that those who believe in him will be set free of their filth, their sin. I am so thankful that I have been made new in Him, washed of my old self, no longer chained to the sin that held me in bondage, but set free to experience an abundant life in Christ. There is no greater love.


As I read a little further, I read about Peter disowning Jesus. Jesus told him that he would disown him three times before the rooster crows, but Peter didn't believe him. As people came up to him, Peter ended up disowning Jesus three times. As I was reading this, verse 73 stuck out to me particularly because someone came up to Peter and said "Surely you are one of them; your accent gives you away." Now, this refers to him being a Galilean, but it made me think a little deeper than that. It made me think of what I say...how I talk...what my conversations are like with God, with others...If am spending time with Jesus and allowing the Spirit to make me more like him, I should speak more like him and sound like him to others. When they talk to me, they should recognize that I am His child by the words of grace and salt that are uttered from my lips. I pray that this is true. Something else that I honestly was convicted of was that I, too, have been like Peter. I have disowned Jesus many times. There were moments when I was afraid to share who Jesus is or what He has done, when I was uncomfortable, when I cared too much about what others thought, when I was afraid of offending someone or receiving persecution. I have been Peter. This brought me to my knees, and I, too, have wept like Peter. I'm so thankful that he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

May fellow believers and myself boldly proclaim the gospel (Romans 1:16), allowing the Spirit to give us the right words at the right time, to provide us with courage to share, to love, to give, to serve and to heal. To provide us with strength to endure whatever may come our way. In everything, may we be solely dependent upon the Lord. May we not grow weary in doing good because we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Let us cling to Christ and His promises that remain true, always.

Hebrews 13:15-16 "Therefore Jesus, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise -- the fruit of the lips that openly profess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased."

I pray that you have been encouraged. If you are reading this and do not know Jesus, I pray that you seek out who He is, that you ask questions and that you come to Him.

Much Love.

In order to lead, one must first follow. To be an example, one must first look to an example. To live a life of love, one must first receive and experience love in its truest form.

Thank you, sweet Jesus, for being my leader, my example, my love. Words cannot express the gratitude in my heart.