Psalm 51:7-15
The Message (MSG)


Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean,
scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life.
Tune me in to foot-tapping songs,
set these once-broken bones to dancing.
Don't look too close for blemishes,
give me a clean bill of health.
God, make a fresh start in me,
shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
Don't throw me out with the trash,
or fail to breathe holiness in me.
Bring me back from gray exile,
put a fresh wind in my sails!
Give me a job teaching rebels your ways
so the lost can find their way home.
Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God,
and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways.
Unbutton my lips, dear God;
I'll let loose with your praise.

9/29

I just cannot even explain how thankful I am for a Love great than comprehension that never ceases to fail...to think about it just amazes me every single time. I have had to depend on God the past couple of months moreso than I ever have before. It has made me so much stronger in my faith and in my relationship with God. Being surrounded by the world sometimes makes you forget that He is ultimately in control. People get caught up in schedules, plans, and the busyness of life. We forget to silence our hearts. We forget to be still and know that He is God...to soak in His presence. I am immensely thankful for being God placing me where I am. I have to let go of my expectations, and look to God for HIS, because I would have never expected that I would end up where I am. I know this is where I am meant to be though. I am indescribably grateful for the relationships beginning to form. I have already made some incredible friends with such great hearts. This is just such a beautiful season filled with growth. I pray that I humble myself, listen to His voice, and allow the Spirit to work through me...not missing an opportunity for divine appointment. I'm just so in love with Him & very thankful for all He is doing.

Arms Wide Open - Misty Edwards

And life goes on...

This year I have learned so much. And as I sit here and reflect on everything that has happened and how I have delevoped over this past year, I couldn't be happier. It's crazy to think about how times flies. Eight years ago I was exploring through the woods and climbing trees, and now I'm exploring parts of myself, who I am, and my heart. It seems like only yesterday I was in my mother's arms, allowing her to comfort me...to guard me of my fears and failures...now I am going off into the world by myself, facing my fears. I know there will be many times I will fall short and face failure, but to learn from and accept, bringing about many successes in the future. I have learned about God, time, love, and relationships, and just a lot about life in general. I have learned that time does not stop for anyone, no matter what. Every situation and circumstance happens for a reason. I have learned so much about myself. I have opened my heart willingly to others, and whole-heartedly loved. Not only a guy, but those surrounding me...the people that I will always call my friends. Whether it be a relationship that had to be cut off because of timing and distance, or friendships that will be seperated by miles, yet remain so close in my heart, I have loved so much. Love isn't a game. It isn't about being physical. It isn't about having the upper-hand. I have learned that to truly love another, you must love selflessly. To love is to Love like He has loved me. I still cannot wrap my mind around that, but I'm trying, and I don't think that I will ever reach the point to full comprehension. It's so beautiful to think about, and to live out though. Or at least try to do so, anyway. I have learned that to gain, you must sacrifice. To grow as an individual, you have to sacrifice your pride...you have to humble yourself. You have to sacrifice your time. You have to sacrifice your comfort. Being outside of your comfort zone allows you to grow in ways that you would never expect. You have to be weak to be strong, if that makes any sense. I used to (and at times, still do, but not as badly) struggle with pride. I have never found such solace as I have when I humble myself, especially before God. God cares about your heart, not your stylish outfit or your sexy new doo. He will renew you, and give you His Spirit to be all that you need to be. You don't need fancy diamonds to shine for Him. I often struggle with being like the world. At times, I give into many temptations, but I am forgiven. I always find peace again, and am brought back home when I humble myself. I have gained so much from giving up my agenda. I have gained so much from serving...there is no better way for me to spend my time than to selflessly serve, and give my time willingly to others, especially when there is nothing to gain from it than the gift of helping others in itself. The past couple of months I lost sight of what is most important, but I am thankful for the One who has led me back to the right path. I have learned to really be free, you must let go. I had to let go of the place I once called "home", where I was surrounded by relationships & people I have grown to love so much, to move to Alabama, where I am not fond of many faces. I have learned to have courage and to be strong (always reflecting on 1 Corinthians 16:13-14). I had to let go of myself, and let God lead me, because when He is in control everything will work out for me. I had to let go of the past to let God show me His genuine, everlasting love for me. I had to let go of my worries and cares of the world to be truly free. Because of all of this and the different seasons I have been through this past year, I have gained more than I can explain. I have seen so much beauty and I have just learned what is important. I have fallen and risen back up, I have been beaten down and revived, I have cried and laughed...I have struggled, only to gain. Every ending is a new beginning. Every door closed is another door opened. And to every "Good-bye", right around the corner is another "Hello". A few people have been in and out of my life this past year, but each person has taught me a lesson. Each experience is something to learn from. As I am entering college, I feel...prepared. I have no idea what the world will bring, or my place in the world, but I am ready. I'm ready for this new season, for challenges, growth, for a chance to learn more about myself and explore who I am/what I want even more, and to become more knowledgable. I'm ready to love and live every day as if it were my last, to impact His kingdom, and to just let others know about Christ's love for us all....not as much through my words, but my actions. Everything will fall into place as it should be, and wherever He leads, I will follow.

NOTE TO SELF #7: People who pray together, stay together.

Your kindness leads me to repentance
Your goodness draws me to Your side
Your mercy calls me to be like You
Your favor is my delight

Every day, I'll awaken my praise

and pour out a song from my heart

Today was a day filled with joy, tears, COMPLETE surrender, and healing. I started off the morning by showering (because it is so hard waking up early in the mornings for me during summer since I stay up so late), then I spent some time with God. I am on day four of the Bible study I'm doing (Living Beyond Yourself). It's crazy how much you see through God's eyes when you are in His Word after you haven't been soaking in it daily and how much He reveals to you. I'm so thankful for being back on track, for His guidance and the revival that has went on within me the past couple of weeks. A little while later, my best friend Taylor and her boyfriend Bryan (I've known him since 6th gr & her since 7th) dropped by before they left for Tampa, FL. We talked a little bit, then said good-bye to each other since I'm leaving on Sunday to move to Alabama. Then my lovely mentor Mrs. Rhonda picked me up...we got some pizza, then went back to her house. We talked a little bit about our spirituality, life, and the future/college. We went to church at around 6:30. It was senior night...Katie put together an amazing slide show of pictures from each of the seniors ranging from newborn to teenager. Of course that got me worked up because just thinking about then and now is beautiful. Paige spoke about three things she has learned and how that has affected her as an individual/gave some advice. It was a really great message; God has truly gifted her when it comes to speaking. Then she prayed us into worship...I analyzed some of the things I have learned, what I FEAR, and asking God to lead me/show me His path for me. My prayer was so intent, passionate and sincere, whether it was my words or the Spirit's. God's presence was upon like I cannot even explain. I went to light a candle for all of us going off to college...for strength and a solid foundation in Christ as we each go along our different paths. The song "Great I am" was playing so I began to freely worship. I thought I used to worship God before, but there was still a wall up...in the back of my head, I still cared what people thought, I still cared about my appearance. I LET GO completely of EVERYTHING worldly...all of my thoughts, cares, and worries. I have never been so overwhelmed by the power of the Holy Spirit or the presence of THE GREAT I AM. My entire body was shaking, I was crying so hard, shouting, and singing my heart out. My knees were weak...I felt as if I was going to fall to the ground any moment. Brandon said a prayer in the middle of "How He Loves Us" and the Spirit fell upon me even more. How often are we afraid? We care so much about what others think when it doesn't even matter. We can say we don't care, but we do...but how great it is to really let go of everything in the world and TRULY worship an audience of ONE. I really worshiped Him wholeheartedly for the first time in my life. I truly humbled myself. I bowed my heart, only to be filled by a God so loving. So soo loving. I can't even comprehend it. I just don't understand why I need anything in this world but Him. I just want to kneel in awe of His glory. Other than the day I was baptized and born again in Christ, or when I received the gift of speaking in tongues from the Holy Spirit, tonight was the best moment of my entire life. It only gets better because today was a day that God showed me SO MUCH. I can't even handle it. I had cake, then spent time with the best friend ever at Sonic. I went home to spend time with my friends Jamie and Chelsey at my house. Chelsey was my very best friend (like a sister). She was my first friend when I moved to Summerville and we stayed as close as close can get from 5th grade until like 11th grade. After I was baptized in 2008, my life changed completely. I didn't do the crazy/fun/some what mischievous things I did before. I was now a light to the world...an example of the Love and life of Christ to others. So we were both different, had new friends, and separated. It KILLED me emotionally. I felt like someone died. Anyway, it was such a blessing to spend time with her this evening. Before her and Jamie left, we hugged for a long time. Then she began to tell me what I needed to hear for two years now. We cried so much, but it was much needed. I am immensely thankful for this healing, for our friendship. I will miss her, along with all of the friends I have grown to love with my entire heart. I know this isn't the end of our friendships. Although it's so sad saying "good-bye", God has plans for each of us, whether some know it or not. Every road will intertwine how it is supposed to, and we will meet again. Today has just been...I don't even know how to put it in words, but my heart feels complete. I am so happy and filled with Joy.

Thank you God.

psalm 29:2

we still surrender in our hearts, your faithfulness is our reward